One of these things is not like the other
Nov. 6th, 2021 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nrgburstWarning for TQG rant. I am just writing this up here so I can just link the essay the next time somebody claims that "Benny begged Beth to come back to New York multiple times." This is usually cited as evidence that Beth was cruelly tossing out his heart, and therefore mostly to blame for their split.
I disagree with this idea on so many levels, but let's start with the oft-cited evidence.
First of all, to clarify the meaning of two words here:
Multiple means several instances. In fact, I think for most English speakers, it means 3 or more times? But let's allow that some of us may include "twice" as "multiple".
Begging means imploring, pleading, with some degree of lowering oneself in power/stature (supplication).
Now let's look at all the times Benny talks to Beth about coming back to New York, see if they qualify as "begging", and then count them.
1. We can assume Beth and Benny agreed that she would come back to New York after Paris from the way he says he'll pick her up at the airport, and asks what time her flight will come in.
We cannot assume that he was begging her in order to get her to agree in the first place. His tone when he says "What time do you get in? I can come pick you up," implies that he was not in a lower position of power when making that agreement, and is matter of fact, not pleading or worried about their relationship. (VERDICT: NOT BEGGING.)
When she replies that she's returning to Lexington instead, this surprises and upsets him. This is literally the first time she's given him An Actual Refusal since the bar in Ohio. I'll discuss their power dynamic in more detail later, but it's significant that this takes him completely by surprise. And this is the only time he actually pleads with Beth to come back to New York.
2. "Beth, please. Just... come to New York. We can talk it out."
With the rest of what he says, we can tell he's not the least bit worried about her rejecting him romantically here; he's actually worried about her mental state after losing to Borgov and that's why he's pleading. But because it fits the definition: (VERDICT: BEGGING.)
3. "Are you uh, coming to New York? … I miss you."
He asks the question with studied casualness, deliberately trying to show as little emotion as possible. We, the audience, can see his face and how he's struggling not to express the full extent of his feelings here through this conversation; Beth doesn't have this cue, and you can see her puzzlement and how she waits for him to elaborate after he says, "I'm hanging in there. …I miss you." He says this lightly and carefully, deliberately trying NOT to show his hand too much. And she rolls her eyes with exasperation when he goes straight back to chess after, as usual. (VERDICT: NOT BEGGING BUT! FINALLY GIVING EVIDENCE OF FEELINGS.)
FINAL COUNT: ONE. And he was not even begging out of hurt romantic feelings - he was actually caring about her mental/emotional state! 🙃
Yes, he admitted he missed her, which is NOT THE SAME AS A MAN BEGGING. A man managing to say he has some feelings does not equate begging for romantic reciprocation. I actually feel like I need to repeat this because that is the extent people have internalized that utterly untrue idea?
And there were plenty of plausible reasons why Beth didn't reply besides callously seeking to hurt him, from misunderstanding and just going ??? until he cut in again, to self-protectiveness about the vulnerable state of her own heart. It's true that it's possible that she was just seeking to stomp on his heart, but given the context, I seriously doubt it?
First, what context does she have that he has romantic feelings? Five weeks of being a non-couple in New York, the last two sleeping together but not being emotionally intimate or officially coupled. He makes it clear in their post-coital chat that they are only chess friends with benefits, and you can see her obvious disappointment with that after she's been visibly pining for him for weeks. Like look at how she reacts when he just touches her. 🥺
x
In Paris, she gives tacit agreement when Cleo states that Benny can only love himself, and claims she doesn't love him, despite the fact that all she can think about as she's losing to Borgov is Benny, Benny, Benny in these flashbacks. Just look at how she's looking at him.🥺
x
There were reasons Benny chose to be emotionally distant, but to Beth, Cleo's declaration was confirmation of what she suspected: Benny didn't reciprocate her feelings, although he didn't mind fucking her and he liked playing chess with her and probably enjoyed the other fringe benefits of having her around, like having her clean his toilet and keep him company.
Which was so much like her failed relationship of convenience with Harry (except this time she was the one with the unrequited feelings - KARMA) that she drew the obvious parallels. She missed Harry too, but not the way he wanted, and she knew that. Why would things with Benny be any different? Beth has literally never had a man stick around in her life, and she knows Benny hates losers (and likes winners). Going back to New York after Paris would have meant playing out a game she already knew she would lose. Is it really that surprising that she wouldn't want to face what she thought was Benny's inevitable rejection while on his turf, with no friends or place to stay besides his? I think her reaction to his emotional withholding was completely understandable, and that he unintentionally played himself by acting like he didn't have feelings in the first place.
Benny didn't know this though? He has no idea about her abandonment issues: the Beth Harmon he knows is utterly tenacious when she has a goal, coming back for rematches against him until she finally wins. And he knew she wanted him - Beth isn't subtle, ever. So he expected her to keep trying to win him over, because that had always been her MO.
x
Skewed Power Dynamic
This was why Benny played it so cool while they were "together" and kept expecting her to come back as requested, despite knowing about her house in Lexington. He'd already yielded his title to her, and it has always been his preference to keep Beth at a disadvantage. This has been his MO since Vegas, whether it's psyching her out over an old game or hustling her with a game she's not as good at. He wasn't about to reveal she had emotional leverage over him when he really didn't think it was necessary - Beth has never been difficult to manipulate, or socially savvy? She's only 19, and he's 8 years older, and this is his apartment and she has no friends in NY that weren't his first - anybody who teaches 19 year olds (like say, me) would understand exactly why their power dynamic was heavily skewed in his favour, even without having had a close up view of Beth's social/relationship skills leading up to/throughout their relationship.
Just look at how many times Beth complies with what Benny wants, and it's obvious why Benny thinks he's in complete control of their relationship until Beth finally refuses, and why he's so baffled when she keeps doing so:
1. Benny takes one of her beers away, later he actually grabs the beer in her hand that she was about to drink and yanks it down so that she can't drink it.
2. "You can sleep in my living room and leave for Paris from there."
3. "We'll leave from here. I'll drive us." (😂 Look at her WTF face here! BUT SHE STILL DOES IT!)
4. "Oh and about sex? Forget it." (This holds until he decides otherwise.)
5. "Oh. And there is no booze in the apartment." (he says this while indicating with his pointed hand, so this is a rule/order)
6. "Then we'll play the Borgov games first." (Again with the pointed hand. She pushes back here with insisting on breakfast first, but she still says "fine" in the end.)
7. Beth refuses a drink she's offered by Cleo after checking first with Benny: she looks at him before answering no, and he nods his approval to her once she refuses. She also makes sure to tell him how she's "sober as a judge" later, obviously still seeking his approval.)
8. "Let's do a simultaneous. You play all of us."
9. "In your game with Borgov, you should play the Sicilian." (Not even kidding, she did what he said here too; the game is here.)
Is it any surprise that she finally says no to further following his orders when doing what he says actually hasn't gotten her what she wanted?
Despite all this, I obviously don't think they've burned their bridges and have no chance - I think Benny has made a big grand gesture with gathering the Chess boys and making the call to Moscow, and that they totally have a great shot at reuniting post-canon. Like, look at how they are obviously not talking about chess anymore; how all the other guys have turned away to give them some semblance of privacy before Beth says she has to go and play Borgov. 🥰 I really, truly understand that Benny was hurt by what he perceived as her rejection. But I think it's important to think about Beth's POV as well in all this.
I disagree with this idea on so many levels, but let's start with the oft-cited evidence.
First of all, to clarify the meaning of two words here:
Multiple means several instances. In fact, I think for most English speakers, it means 3 or more times? But let's allow that some of us may include "twice" as "multiple".
Begging means imploring, pleading, with some degree of lowering oneself in power/stature (supplication).
Now let's look at all the times Benny talks to Beth about coming back to New York, see if they qualify as "begging", and then count them.
1. We can assume Beth and Benny agreed that she would come back to New York after Paris from the way he says he'll pick her up at the airport, and asks what time her flight will come in.
We cannot assume that he was begging her in order to get her to agree in the first place. His tone when he says "What time do you get in? I can come pick you up," implies that he was not in a lower position of power when making that agreement, and is matter of fact, not pleading or worried about their relationship. (VERDICT: NOT BEGGING.)
When she replies that she's returning to Lexington instead, this surprises and upsets him. This is literally the first time she's given him An Actual Refusal since the bar in Ohio. I'll discuss their power dynamic in more detail later, but it's significant that this takes him completely by surprise. And this is the only time he actually pleads with Beth to come back to New York.
2. "Beth, please. Just... come to New York. We can talk it out."
With the rest of what he says, we can tell he's not the least bit worried about her rejecting him romantically here; he's actually worried about her mental state after losing to Borgov and that's why he's pleading. But because it fits the definition: (VERDICT: BEGGING.)
3. "Are you uh, coming to New York? … I miss you."
He asks the question with studied casualness, deliberately trying to show as little emotion as possible. We, the audience, can see his face and how he's struggling not to express the full extent of his feelings here through this conversation; Beth doesn't have this cue, and you can see her puzzlement and how she waits for him to elaborate after he says, "I'm hanging in there. …I miss you." He says this lightly and carefully, deliberately trying NOT to show his hand too much. And she rolls her eyes with exasperation when he goes straight back to chess after, as usual. (VERDICT: NOT BEGGING BUT! FINALLY GIVING EVIDENCE OF FEELINGS.)
FINAL COUNT: ONE. And he was not even begging out of hurt romantic feelings - he was actually caring about her mental/emotional state! 🙃
Yes, he admitted he missed her, which is NOT THE SAME AS A MAN BEGGING. A man managing to say he has some feelings does not equate begging for romantic reciprocation. I actually feel like I need to repeat this because that is the extent people have internalized that utterly untrue idea?
And there were plenty of plausible reasons why Beth didn't reply besides callously seeking to hurt him, from misunderstanding and just going ??? until he cut in again, to self-protectiveness about the vulnerable state of her own heart. It's true that it's possible that she was just seeking to stomp on his heart, but given the context, I seriously doubt it?
First, what context does she have that he has romantic feelings? Five weeks of being a non-couple in New York, the last two sleeping together but not being emotionally intimate or officially coupled. He makes it clear in their post-coital chat that they are only chess friends with benefits, and you can see her obvious disappointment with that after she's been visibly pining for him for weeks. Like look at how she reacts when he just touches her. 🥺
x
In Paris, she gives tacit agreement when Cleo states that Benny can only love himself, and claims she doesn't love him, despite the fact that all she can think about as she's losing to Borgov is Benny, Benny, Benny in these flashbacks. Just look at how she's looking at him.🥺
x
There were reasons Benny chose to be emotionally distant, but to Beth, Cleo's declaration was confirmation of what she suspected: Benny didn't reciprocate her feelings, although he didn't mind fucking her and he liked playing chess with her and probably enjoyed the other fringe benefits of having her around, like having her clean his toilet and keep him company.
Which was so much like her failed relationship of convenience with Harry (except this time she was the one with the unrequited feelings - KARMA) that she drew the obvious parallels. She missed Harry too, but not the way he wanted, and she knew that. Why would things with Benny be any different? Beth has literally never had a man stick around in her life, and she knows Benny hates losers (and likes winners). Going back to New York after Paris would have meant playing out a game she already knew she would lose. Is it really that surprising that she wouldn't want to face what she thought was Benny's inevitable rejection while on his turf, with no friends or place to stay besides his? I think her reaction to his emotional withholding was completely understandable, and that he unintentionally played himself by acting like he didn't have feelings in the first place.
Benny didn't know this though? He has no idea about her abandonment issues: the Beth Harmon he knows is utterly tenacious when she has a goal, coming back for rematches against him until she finally wins. And he knew she wanted him - Beth isn't subtle, ever. So he expected her to keep trying to win him over, because that had always been her MO.
x
Skewed Power Dynamic
This was why Benny played it so cool while they were "together" and kept expecting her to come back as requested, despite knowing about her house in Lexington. He'd already yielded his title to her, and it has always been his preference to keep Beth at a disadvantage. This has been his MO since Vegas, whether it's psyching her out over an old game or hustling her with a game she's not as good at. He wasn't about to reveal she had emotional leverage over him when he really didn't think it was necessary - Beth has never been difficult to manipulate, or socially savvy? She's only 19, and he's 8 years older, and this is his apartment and she has no friends in NY that weren't his first - anybody who teaches 19 year olds (like say, me) would understand exactly why their power dynamic was heavily skewed in his favour, even without having had a close up view of Beth's social/relationship skills leading up to/throughout their relationship.
Just look at how many times Beth complies with what Benny wants, and it's obvious why Benny thinks he's in complete control of their relationship until Beth finally refuses, and why he's so baffled when she keeps doing so:
1. Benny takes one of her beers away, later he actually grabs the beer in her hand that she was about to drink and yanks it down so that she can't drink it.
2. "You can sleep in my living room and leave for Paris from there."
3. "We'll leave from here. I'll drive us." (😂 Look at her WTF face here! BUT SHE STILL DOES IT!)
4. "Oh and about sex? Forget it." (This holds until he decides otherwise.)
5. "Oh. And there is no booze in the apartment." (he says this while indicating with his pointed hand, so this is a rule/order)
6. "Then we'll play the Borgov games first." (Again with the pointed hand. She pushes back here with insisting on breakfast first, but she still says "fine" in the end.)
7. Beth refuses a drink she's offered by Cleo after checking first with Benny: she looks at him before answering no, and he nods his approval to her once she refuses. She also makes sure to tell him how she's "sober as a judge" later, obviously still seeking his approval.)
8. "Let's do a simultaneous. You play all of us."
9. "In your game with Borgov, you should play the Sicilian." (Not even kidding, she did what he said here too; the game is here.)
Is it any surprise that she finally says no to further following his orders when doing what he says actually hasn't gotten her what she wanted?
Despite all this, I obviously don't think they've burned their bridges and have no chance - I think Benny has made a big grand gesture with gathering the Chess boys and making the call to Moscow, and that they totally have a great shot at reuniting post-canon. Like, look at how they are obviously not talking about chess anymore; how all the other guys have turned away to give them some semblance of privacy before Beth says she has to go and play Borgov. 🥰 I really, truly understand that Benny was hurt by what he perceived as her rejection. But I think it's important to think about Beth's POV as well in all this.
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